"Be angry, and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger" - Ephesians 4:26


"In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent" - Psalms 4:4


Do not let your most vulnerable moment define you.

Sometimes brighton beach

On this lovely Monday, the sky is pouring and the cold sweetness makes everything else not worth doing. And somehow I believe in my soul that I am able to play the ukulele if I had one. I would sing, sing, sing all day. I.. miss the sea dearly. I love how everything feels instantly on my skin when I have little fabric on. The smell of salt, the heat on my skin, I’d tan all day. When only the basic and most important things in life.. matters. I am not being nostalgic, I am being ambitious. 

You promise to stay

After a while, what matters most is not first impressions, exhilaration, intoxication, awe, but just.. consistency. 

No one gets in the way of me and

breakfast

Let's feast with love

Dear Jo, this is for you. I hope you see this when you are alone, late at night, and at your most ravenous. 

ps/ I love you

Honestly I have considered the idea of being a food critic. I think my senses are quite sharp, it should be put to good use! And I am quite honest too. And I enjoy eating. Now now.. 

I must be one within

When I love, I experience insecurities, jealousy, competition, loneliness, fear, you name it. When I love with the love God gives me, I know for a fact that it is full, assured, overflowing, selfless, and courageous. Even if things don’t work out, I know for a fact that none of His love I have given goes to waste. Yes it will still hurt very much, but then His love given to me is again multiplied.

Lord, teach me to love. 

He should be smiling in the sun

I was in Penang the week before the last, and then in KL the following week. Well, the reason my family drove to Penang was to attend a funeral service. Although I barely knew Uncle Ooi, he made an impact on me with his courage. Just a week before that, I met him in church and he was the bubbliest that I couldn't tell if this was the uncle whom was diagnosed with cancer; I have only met him once before that. I sat down beside him while he joked & then I noticed his frail body. Before you know it, the next week Uncle Ooi slept and never woke up.

I have this thing that I don't look into coffins. Maybe I'm afraid, I don't know, but I always tell myself that I want to remember you as the last time I saw you. And I remember your smile, your strong laugh, and your healthy dark hair. I think you are amazing, Uncle. 

I then later soaked in more of Jo's fabulousity and tried my best to not be in the way of their daily lives. Most afternoons I would be by the pool working on my tan, trying to play foreigner as much as I could. We ate very good food, hung out, studied, swam, ate very good food, went to Hard Rock, went to church, and ate very good food. 

You see my whole plan was to stay back in Penang, then travel to KL on Wed for Erykah Badu's. My plan was perfect, and exciting. But on Tuesday night, Jo told me of the news she read online about the fuss about Erykah's 'tattoo'. They could be cancelling the damn show. The moment she told me that, I knew the show wasn't gonna go on. 

You see when a person is inferior, all they need is a chance to show you that they are not. I was very surprised to read the many death threats on Facebook. What the heck is happening? I am embarrassed, but I am very glad with the many, especially Muslims, who spoke their minds about this. At least we are gaining something out of it. And I am so relieved to know that Erykah plans to come back.

Anyway, I consoled myself by going for David Sanborn's concert last night. It was in the same Plenary Hall KLCC, where even the furthest seats were more than close & personal enough. I imagined having Erykah within that reach that I could taste her soul. 

Unedited

When you doubt my love, it's like you are saying that you have made a mistake in believing me. That you do not trust yourself, that you have not made the right choice in choosing to love me. That you doubt yourself. When you tell me how insecure you feel around me, it is like you are saying that you are insecure of yourself. That since you feel the tendency to be unfaithful, you think that I would have the same tendency. When I choose to love you, I believe in my choice to love you. That I have made the right decision. When I know for a fact that I have no interest in being unfaithful, I believe you would feel the same. But if you do, I do not blame you, but myself for loving you.

Do not doubt my love, for I very much look forward to greater things, with you.

Greening

I am not, ever a salad person. I mean, come on! Who the heck fills their tummy with leaves and teasing little vegetables? Plus they are too crunchy to be considered a meal, a snack maybe. When you order a salad, you are making a healthy choice, not a choice of suffering. But that's the mind-set of most people, which is why they make stupid salads. And they make you believe that you should be feeling good about yourself so you think it's okay to pay the price it is not worth. Think 3 cubes of cheese & pitiful shreds of chicken. But you see, this salad, this amazing salad from Chilli's, really really blew me away.

Every meal is meant to be : appetizing, a good combination, tasty & filling. A salad could be a starter, or a meal. But it is only okay if you give me both options. So this Quesidilla Explosion Salad is the perfect salad, as a meal. There is the crunchiness not to worry, sufficient & tasty chicken, non-overwhelming dressing on the side, and so many different textures & flavors to it that every bite is as good as new. I've had it twice and it is just as amazing.

It is a little pricey but I think it is worth the effort put in to make you enjoy your every bite, be full, and not feel guilty.
That is one happy girl right there.

I wished that I had the strength to stop the bad that I am doing, or the arrogance to not care at all.

"So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth."

My Valentino

One year ago, I was shipped to Penang for a mini vacation with a lady to meet her scarily-described daughter. I felt like I was going on a horrible blind date. Exactly today, Jolene and I have been friends for a year. On the 13th Feb last year, we surprised each other by me being a whole lot younger than her expected mom's 'friend' and her being a whole lot nicer than the monster I thought (you know I love you).

It being one of the most vulnerable days of the year for us women, we celebrated Valentines together, again! I must say that it is a blessing. This whole trip for me was unplanned, parents randomly wanted to visit family friends, so we took a midnight train to this city which I find myself liking a lot. Well actually, just a few days ago before this Jo called and was on the verge to run away, to me of course. And the next thing you know, I called her back and said hold on, I'm coming!

Now here is the fabulous Jo. She inspires me with her courage to love and to be loved back. Also what I love most about her is her willingness. To teach, to drive people around, to help people shift, to play her responsibilities, to lift your spirits up, to listen, to help people out with infections, to be a good lover and friend. I appreciate you. Cheers to our friendship.

Day 3

5/8/11

This morning we woke up early, had our devotion and continued painting the house. When we were done, we had congee for breakfast then washed up and brushed our teeth. I don’t quite remember why we did it in this order. Today, Aunty Chat told us that we were free to do whatever we wanted. So, Frankie being the Starbucks junkie wanted to go to Paragon, which is one of the uptown malls. Jo and I were more interested to go to Platinum, a mall with wholesales but Paragon took the day.

In Paragon, everything felt really grand. Frankie works in Starbucks back in Penang and he wanted to try his luck if he could get a discount on his coffee with his staff card, even when we were in a different country. We were so close until the manager came over and verified his card! We sat down for coffee and bagel, which Jo misread the menu and felt totally ripped off. Just sitting down & looking around, I noticed that Thai people are much more fashion forward than we are. Which made me feel underdressed since I did not come for this purpose.

We walked to the center of Paragon and there was this beautiful beautiful bouquets, arrangement and hives of flowers! It was so breathtaking, even more when there was this 4 piece band playing light jazz music right there. I sat down beside the flowers and I really could have stayed there all day. It was my idea of dreamland..

Moving on, there was this food fiesta which got us all excited. We had donuts, croissants and avocado ice cream. They were really really good stuff, I remember standing in front of the booth taking a long time choosing between a chocolate or ham & cheese croissant. While standing there deciding, I unabashedly had my fair share of samples too.. I was a foreigner after all.

By evening, we took the train to meet Frankie’s uncle who was gonna treat us to a real Thai dinner. We took the train which brought us to another stop where we had to wait for a taxi. The queue took us more than an hour, and it did not help that it was drizzling and it was right in the walk way of food stalls. I was pretty tired by the time we got to the restaurant and went to the restroom for a wash up. I must say that I was very impressed with the cleanliness of their public toilets! Way better than ours back home! Another thing was that their switches are all opposite, meaning you press up to on & down to off.

Dinner was generally good, Tom Yum was delicious but there weren’t any vegetable dishes which was a little setback for me. By this time I realize that too much pork is just too much. 

We slept early, long day tomorrow. 

You knew

What the devil promises to give you, is tied to him as he makes his way down the depth of hell. He really is not going to give you anything, he wants it all for himself. That’s the son of a bitch.

In the afternoons

"Whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy - meditate on these things". 


 - Philippians 4:8

Heaven only knows

 

You are God-sent. Thank you for being in my life. 

I am happiness

Happiness is truly just something you choose to be. That's all there is and that's how it is.

And you just look through me

So I went to this really cool place where cool people wore cool clothes and drank cool drinks and listen to cool music and talked to cool people and thought they were too cool for you and were so cool.
But the problem was, everyone was thinking the exact same thing.

"Vanity of vanities; all is vanity"

And so I sat down & sipped my tea

You were right there

Truthfully, I believe there is a reason why God gave me no sisters, three brothers, to lead this unconventional life, and to be so problematic people prone. I dont know how I would live this life any other way. Here's another truth, I think its taking its toll on me. I feel quite worn out.
But then again, dont we all?
My bad.

  "If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

1 Corinthians 13

Today, I